Part Three:

1. Well, here I am, in the place where there is no darkness. I'm not really sure how long I've been here, because there is no night and day, it is always bright. There are no windows and the cellings are really high up. I worry about the future, because all my fears are now confirmed, i do not know what will come of me after this, if I even survive another day. As I watch all the criminals being punished I can only wish that I may receive a razor blade. Oh how enticing that sounds.

2. O'Brien is not who I thought he was. All he has done is torture, me and play with my mind. I really don't know how much more of this I can take. He tells me I am insane, and a lunatic, but i know I am not. He says the torture will cure me and fix my memory but I know he is the insane one. Right now my greatest fear is Room 101.

3. I've been beaten and interogated for weeks now, I think. And O'Brien has turned me into some sort of beaten up, dead skeleton. O'Brien tells me that I will soon be cured, although I don't believe him. I am no longer myself, I am torn apart and beaten, I feel like I have aged 40 more years. I worry about what may happen next. But O'Brien tells me that it doesn't matter because I will be shot anyway.

4. The torture may be over, but I still do not know. I am now in a room where the pain is not as scary but it is still mind blowing. I want to die hating Big Brother. I hate him no matter what anyone tells me and I know for a fact that he is evil, and two and two in fact equal 4. I will never let Big Brother defeat me. Unless, I am taken to room 101.

5. The worst possible thing on earth has happened. O'brien is pure evil! He should be killed, he has no right to live. How could he torture me with RATS! Above any pain in the world, a bloody monstrous rat! I loathe them so much that I would even sell out Julia. My dear Julia.

6. As I sit in the Chestnut Tree Cafe and think of Big Brother and Julia, many thoughts haunt me. I am torn in opinions, and I feel better, but not good. I think of my mom and my sister and I feel a deep sadness. I think of Julia, and our time we shared and I am disgusted. We sold out each other, and some day we may see each other again.

Part Two

1. I have finally discovered who the dark haired girl is. Most importantly, she makes me have emotion and when I see her I have feelings. Something amazing happened today. I saw her in the street, on the floor, in pain, so since I cannot leave someone suffering i raced to her rescue. When I gave he a hand to help her up, she slipped a note into my hand. The note said, "I love you". I just can't find any alone time to let my emotions run freely in my head. I long for the dark, when my thoughts can run wild.

2. Today me and the dark haired girl began to talk. She told me of her hate of The Party, and we realized how similar we acutaly were. She took me to her hideout and i told her of my feelings. I explained how I wanted to rape her and kill her. I can feel some sort of happiness if this is what happiness is when I am with her. She gives me a spark of life, and I am filled with hope.

3. Julia and I spend time together, but we our schedules are conflicting. I like Julia, because she is not like most girls, she is not pure. She is wild and free in her heart at least. I tried to talk to her about death, but she simply cut me off every time.

4. Privacy is one of the greatest gifts I could receive. Julia and I have found a semi-perminant place where we can be alone, and talk and make love, or just do whatever we please. I love it because there is no telescreen, and no eyes watching my every move. The one problem is that there seems to be an open rat hole, which bothers me because i am deathly afraid of the monstrous creatures. I wish Julia and I were a married couple, then my doubts of her cheating on me would diminish. I have a feeling I can get inside the paper weight. I feel the coral represents me and Julia's love, and the glass surrounding it is our "home".

5. Syme has vanished, and my mind races and sorts through reasons why. I have recently dropped my drinking habit. I have somehow lost the need for it. Our room feels like a bastion of hope, it is my sanctuary.

6. Today is the day, I have finally met O'Brien. My suspicions are correct. He is everything I thought him to be, I will finally be one of them. I am on my way to freedom, all thanks to O'Brien, I now have hope that I will see him where there is no darkness.

7. Today I had a dreadful dream. I dreamed of my mother and sister. I dreamt that I was famished with great pain. I also knew my sister was dying. Yet I continued to be a wreckless brat. My mom tried to split the chocolate evenly between us, but i snatched it from her and ran away. I feel so embarased and ashamed, I wish there was something I could do to change it.

8. After my meeting with O'Brien, my mind is running wild over the crazy thoughts he put in my head. I agreed to such severe cirumstances, without even thinking. I guess torture, suicide and black mail are better then living a life of pain and ignorance. I hope to meet with him again.

9. I now know, after reading "the book", that all my thoughts were true. I learned nothing new,(which was slightly frusturating) but at least I know the truth. I feel a bit of wisdom, but I am still anxious to know more.

10. All I know is that my life is over. I will never see Julia again, and I am lost with out her. I have never been more frightened in my life. Julia and I have been caught by a hidden telescreen. We will never meet again, and I mourn the loss. I stand gravley still, and wait for a bit of hope, or a small anwser. For now, all I can do is wait, for death, truth, or even freedom.

Part One:

Part One:

I've always wondered if life was better before the Revolution or after. I just want answers and explanations. I wonder if I am the only person who believes Big Brother is a tyrant. I want to know if O'Brien is on my side. I have so many questions that have yet to be answered because of my fear that the truth is horrid. I feel that this life I am living in is inadequate. I feel that in this world something is not right. I feel like a worker bee, or just a duplicate of a single worker fighting for one common cause. I write this diary for my own cause, I hope that one day my journal will be shown to the next generation so they can see how we lived. I want the future to hear about the "whispered stories", and rumors that we now hold to be truths. In this world we have no freedom. Big Brother says freedom is slavery. Well down with Big Brother! Freedom is not slavery, freedom is the ability to think what I want, read what I want, do what I want, and learn what I want. I want to live in a world where there is no such catastrophe as thought crime. It is repulsive to take away every bit of personal ideas a person may have. I feel that Big Brother is violating our most personal sanctuary, our brains. Our individualsim and ideas are restrained and torn apart. until it's as if they never existed.

There are two major problems at the moment. One is that I feel as if I am constantly being followed by the "brown-haired girl". I have a feeling our meeting various times is no longer a coincidence. She could be a real member of the thought police, or just an ordinary young spy in training. The young ones are too naive to understand what they are getting themselves into. Yet soon enough they will see that Big Brother isn't what he is said to be. They feel as if this thing we call "life", is a big game to them. But then again who knows, maybe it is just a game. We will all die eventually if we are caught thinking or look suspicious. We do not fear death, only the punnishments and confessions prior to the vanishment.