Part Two

1. I have finally discovered who the dark haired girl is. Most importantly, she makes me have emotion and when I see her I have feelings. Something amazing happened today. I saw her in the street, on the floor, in pain, so since I cannot leave someone suffering i raced to her rescue. When I gave he a hand to help her up, she slipped a note into my hand. The note said, "I love you". I just can't find any alone time to let my emotions run freely in my head. I long for the dark, when my thoughts can run wild.

2. Today me and the dark haired girl began to talk. She told me of her hate of The Party, and we realized how similar we acutaly were. She took me to her hideout and i told her of my feelings. I explained how I wanted to rape her and kill her. I can feel some sort of happiness if this is what happiness is when I am with her. She gives me a spark of life, and I am filled with hope.

3. Julia and I spend time together, but we our schedules are conflicting. I like Julia, because she is not like most girls, she is not pure. She is wild and free in her heart at least. I tried to talk to her about death, but she simply cut me off every time.

4. Privacy is one of the greatest gifts I could receive. Julia and I have found a semi-perminant place where we can be alone, and talk and make love, or just do whatever we please. I love it because there is no telescreen, and no eyes watching my every move. The one problem is that there seems to be an open rat hole, which bothers me because i am deathly afraid of the monstrous creatures. I wish Julia and I were a married couple, then my doubts of her cheating on me would diminish. I have a feeling I can get inside the paper weight. I feel the coral represents me and Julia's love, and the glass surrounding it is our "home".

5. Syme has vanished, and my mind races and sorts through reasons why. I have recently dropped my drinking habit. I have somehow lost the need for it. Our room feels like a bastion of hope, it is my sanctuary.

6. Today is the day, I have finally met O'Brien. My suspicions are correct. He is everything I thought him to be, I will finally be one of them. I am on my way to freedom, all thanks to O'Brien, I now have hope that I will see him where there is no darkness.

7. Today I had a dreadful dream. I dreamed of my mother and sister. I dreamt that I was famished with great pain. I also knew my sister was dying. Yet I continued to be a wreckless brat. My mom tried to split the chocolate evenly between us, but i snatched it from her and ran away. I feel so embarased and ashamed, I wish there was something I could do to change it.

8. After my meeting with O'Brien, my mind is running wild over the crazy thoughts he put in my head. I agreed to such severe cirumstances, without even thinking. I guess torture, suicide and black mail are better then living a life of pain and ignorance. I hope to meet with him again.

9. I now know, after reading "the book", that all my thoughts were true. I learned nothing new,(which was slightly frusturating) but at least I know the truth. I feel a bit of wisdom, but I am still anxious to know more.

10. All I know is that my life is over. I will never see Julia again, and I am lost with out her. I have never been more frightened in my life. Julia and I have been caught by a hidden telescreen. We will never meet again, and I mourn the loss. I stand gravley still, and wait for a bit of hope, or a small anwser. For now, all I can do is wait, for death, truth, or even freedom.